Glimpse of Motherhood

This weekend I got a glimpse of motherhood. We watched my sister Jana's kids all weekend. They came over on Friday and we took them back this afternoon. It was a lot of fun. She has four kids aging from 9 years old to 18 months. They all were really good. So let me explain why this experience gave me a glimpse of motherhood. So they came over Friday afernoon and we had a pizza party that night. Then it was bedtime. Tatum has been a stinker when it comes to sleeping and this night was no different. She wanted to be held to sleep so I ended up down on the couch holding her all night so she would sleep. Well morning came and Cameron went off to work and I was doing Anneka's hair and she asked to go to the bathroom but before she made it to the toilet she started throwing up. No warning or anything. I felt so bad for her. She is such an angel and felt so bad about making the bathroom a mess. She apologized all weekend about it. Anyway I got that all cleaned up and then a little bit later Tatum rolled down the stairs. She didn't get hurt, it just scared her. Then that night Corbin said his stomach hurt. Well I didn't know if it was true or he just didn't want to eat because Anneka wasn't eating and he kept playing and jumping around. Well I was wrong. At 2:00 am Corbin woke up throwing up. The three older kids were all sleeping on the air mattress together, so it woke everyone up. Anneka and Griffin were scared so Cameron took them downstairs while I helped Corbin get cleaned up. After getting everything cleaned up we went back to sleep. Luckily Tatum stayed asleep through it all even when we had to turn the lights on. When I got back in bed I just started laughing. It was so funny to me everything that had happened and that we were up at 2 in the morning cleaning up puke. By the time we took them home they were feeling better but not 100%. Hopefully they will be all the way better tomorrow and hopefully Tatum doesn't get sick.
Anyway, I know that was long but it was a fun and eventful weekend I wanted to share. I am so thankful my sisters live close with their kids so that we can see them all the time. It was fun to spend the weekend with them. I am also very grateful that I am able to go up and help my other sister Katie with her little one Bridger and see all her kids weekly. He is so cute and fun to snuggle. Being able to help my sisters with their kids makes me more excited to be a mom someday. It makes my desire to be a mom even stronger. Hopefully some day soon it will happen. Also, it makes me excited for Cameron to be a dad someday. He is so cute will all of our nieces and nephews and they love him so much!!!

New Addition!!

There is a new addition in the Barton family. My sister Katie had her baby boy about a week ago. He is so dang cute. I love holding and snuggling him. Cameron is so cute with him. It makes me excited for one day having our own and watching Cameron with our own kids. (no I am not pregnant if I just made it sound like I am) Anyway, I thought I had pictures on my camera but I don't so I will post pictures of him when I get them from my dad. Oh and they named him Bridger Barton Call!!! Congratulations Katie, Aaron, Peyton and Lincoln. We are so excited to have another nephew!!!

First sewing project

Some of you may remember awhile ago I posted that Cameron gave me a sewing machine for my birthday. I don't know how to sew but I wanted one so I could learn. I have not used it and Cameron keeps asking me when I am going to start sewing. Well today was the day. I pulled it out, read the manual and starting sewing. The end result was this blanket I made for my niece Anneka. I know it is probably the easiest thing to make but I was proud of myself. It is not at all perfect. As you can tell it is not completely straight but I think it is pretty good for my first sewing project. I can't wait to make more and try making other stuff. Fabric stores here I come!!

State Fair

On Friday Cameron and I went to the State fair with our friends Stacy and Casey. It was a lot of fun. We of course had to get our picture next to the police car and then as we were walking around we saw that you could get your picture with sea lions. Cameron thought it was so cool and really wanted to do it, so we did. It was pretty cool. As soon as you stand against the stage they put their head on your shoulder. Who knew you could do such cool things at the State fair.

Football!!!

We got our BYU football tickets the other day!!! I am so excited for football season to start!!!

GO COUGARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Help!!!

Does anyone know how to get that square off my blog that says the image has been deleted? It all of a sudden showed up and I don't know how to remove it or how it even got there. If anyone knows how to remove it I would love to know because it is really annoying looking at my blog with that dumb square in the way.

Endometriosis

Last week I was diagnosed with having severe endometriosis which is why I can't get pregnant. It is nice to know what is causing the problem but I have heard so many horror stories about endometriosis it scares me. Anyway, it is looking like I am probably going to have to have surgery because the pain is getting worse and becoming more consistent and the endometriomas I have are literally crushing my ovaries. Finding a good surgeon is really important to me but I don't even know where to start, so I was wondering if anyone knows a good surgeon for endometriosis?
Also, I wanted to say thanks to everyone that commented on my blog. It is nice to know I have so many family members and friends that are there for me and support me. I love you all and want you all to know your comments helped me feel better! THANKS SO MUCH EVERYONE!!!

More Tears

Once again my heart is breaking. It literally feels like someone has ripped it out of my chest, crushed it, ripped it in pieces and ran over it with a car. I keep wondering how many more times I am going to have to feel this? I know some of you may be confused as to why I am feeling like this, well let me explain. For over a year and a half now (which may not seem like a long time to some people, but to me it feels like it has been forever) we have been struggling with infertility. It has been the hardest thing to have to go through. As of right now they classify us in the unexplained infertility category, which is good and bad because nothing is wrong but then there is no explanation for all this heartache. I keep wondering if my dreams of becoming a mother will ever come true and as the months go by my hope diminshes. I don't understand why we are not being blessed with a little one. I don't know what I have done in my life to make me not worthy of motherhood. Maybe I should just give up my dream. I often wonder if it is worth all the money we have spent, getting ultrasounds every two weeks, taking medications that make you go crazy and sick, giving myself shots and getting procedurs done month after month. With all of this not working I think someone is telling me that I am not worthy of this gift. I am sorry about all the complaining, I am just really frustrated right now. I used to try and be strong but I am pass that point I can't be strong anymore because I am not ok. It has taken a lot for me to admit that I am not ok. It takes everything in me to get out of bed everyday and face the world. I owe a lot to Cameron and my family that I can call everyday and they will cry with me and listen to me and try to get my mind of things, they are the ones that have stuck by my side through all of this. I don't know what I would do without them. I love them all so much so thank you!!!!!
I will try and be better about updating my blog but blogs are one of the hardest things for me to look at right now and so that is why my doesn't get updated much.
On a happier note wednesday was mine and my nephew Lincoln's birthday. It is always fun to share a birthday with my nephew. We had a family party on Sunday, which was a lot of fun. Cameron got me a sewing machine. I am so excited about it. I don't really know how to sew but I am excited to learn!!! I will post pictures soon.

Warning

Most of you know that I am a nurse on the pediatric unit down at UVRMC and so I see a lot of sick kids. Saturday night was one of the scariest nights I have had in my 4 years of nursing. As most of you know it is RSV season. This season of RSV is soooooooo bad. The kids that are hospitalized with RSV are sicker than I have ever seen them. Saturday night I was taking care of a 1 month old little boy who is really sick with RSV. Well he was doing ok until about 3am. Around that time his little body decided it couldn't fight to breath anymore and his breathing started to get worse, he got pale and was starting to crash on me. We ended up having to intubate him and he now is on a ventilator. The point of my story is not to freak everyone out about RSV but to warn all of you with little ones. It is a really bad RSV year and it is making little ones so so so sick and I don't want to have to see any of my family or friends in the hospital with their little ones, so please stay home as much as possible.

On a happier note I am finally finished working full-time nights. I am now officially part-time at this hospital so I only work two nights a week now. I still am doing my home health job full-time which is keeping me busy but at least it is during the day!!!!!

My New Best Friend?

This little gadget may be my new best friend!!